My Hell
by QuierdoMusic
Summary: Tag to Dark side of the moon. First chapter Sam's point of view... Second chapter: Dean's POV... Third chapter: Sam's POV... Read and Review.
1. Memories

**Huh... I've planned another ending... but somehow it turned out... different... **

**I'm not really keen on the ending of the last episode... **

**..........**

**Memories.**

With the little piece of metal pressed against the side of my thigh, I felt worse than ever before. I've already watched the city-lights pass by and now the fast passing trees were making me feel dizzy, but I couldn't turn around. Not when I knew that Dean was sitting there. Right beside me. Slipping my fingers back into the pocket of my jeans, I caressed the surface of the medallion. I hadn't been able leave it in the trashcan. I couldn't get the picture of Dean throwing it away out of my head, standing in front of me, his back turned towards me. Well… yeah… He got his message through. He was beyond pissed. He was finally really… DONE.

I couldn't blame him… Some of his most terrible moments had been my heaven… and there was no way I could apologize for this. It was insulting that this… little… eleven-year old brace-face was part of my heaven and my brother who had always been there for me… hadn't appeared once.

No… there was no way that words could make this up to him. He only had memories of his family as his very own heaven. I let out a shuddered breath. Those hadn't even been moments when he was particularly happy. Those had been moments he made an other family member happy… me and mom...

I wondered which memories of mine would have come after our encounter with Zachariah. I was sure that there would be a lot of Dean…

Well at first I would have meet Jess again, this wonderful, normal woman… and my other friends from Stanford.

My finger pressed a little harder against the necklace.

'_Why to the holy mother of crap has Dean no place in your heaven… what the hell is wrong with you?'_I let go of the item in my pocket, balling my hands into fists.

_Dean_ was the one who had this… _really_ crappy childhood. He had been the one who had to look out for a pain in the ass. He had to clean up dad's messes. He had to reassure everybody that everything would be okay, eventually.

I had been protected all my life. I always had someone to lean on… I had always taken that for granted.

Dean had always seen family as something precious… breakable. He had lost his family in every single way. He had seen dad ran away, he had been there when mom died, when dad died… when his little brother ran away so many times...

I spent my whole life complaining about my childhood. Of course I had good childhood memories… the fireworks were just one of them, but I had never been able to enjoy these things, because I had been too busy with complaining and hating this life.

Stupid.

I let my head fall, running my hands through my head.

"Tylenol is in my duffle." Dean said calmly and it was somewhat funny that he realized that I had a headache before I realized it. I just nodded, unable to speak.

I glanced at him briefly. He looked beaten.

When I didn't answer he set his jaw and continued. "Well, I'm not so peachy, neither and I want to search for Cas… he's pretty disappointed because of the result of… our trip… I want to talk to him… I can sympathise."

"Dean…" I started.

"Save it… I shouldn't have said that…" Dean scratched his head.

His voice tore at my core.

…

About half an hour later we entered another dirty motel room.

"Dean… I…" I cleared my throat. The silence was killing me. "You know… I'm sorry… and…"

"Sam… really… save it… don't waste your breath. Nothing's gonna change for you anyway… We're stuck together. Giving up is not an option. It's just…" He shut up, looking down, throwing his duffle onto his bed.

"What?..." I asked, sounding harsher than intended. "It's just that we haven't a chance to win and just fight to do anything at all?"

"Yeah… something like that… cause honestly, Sam… there is no chance for us…" He looked at me, telling so much more with this cold look.

"Damn it Dean... If you want to say anything... than say it." I had a hard time controlling myself. I didn't want to shout at him... but damn it... this guy was annoying. "You're mad... I get it... but I couldn't help these memories..."

"Sam..." Dean interrupted me. "You don't have to explain anything to me... I'm not mad at you." There was truth in his eyes. "I'm disappointed... Your heaven is my own personal hell... and I can say that... I've already been to hell. You know why my heaven consisted of those memories?"

"Because you made your family happy." I didn't know whether he really wanted an answer, but I said it even though.

"Yeah... exactly." Dean whispered. "And you picked these memories... Do you know where I've been when you had your amazing Thanksgiving?" This time Dean didn't wait for a replay. "I've been in a motel... waiting for you or dad to come home. I had no food and I had nobody around... it was the most... terrible Thanksgiving ever... The two weeks you were gone in Flagstaff? Dad had refused to talk to me... after he had shouted at me for about an hour for loosing you and yeah... you already know that I wasn't really happy the night you went to Stanford... Dad had been gone then, too, because he needed some time for himself... and I've been alone again... I'm sorry for being disappointed that those days were the best days of your life."

_Ouch _"Dean..." My hand wandered to the necklace again. "I didn't"

"Yeah... you didn't choose these memories..." Dean said calmly. "That doesn't make it better. Anyway... why do you complain... you finally got what you want... I see you as a equal partner now... not more... not less."

I gasped, letting my head fall. Yeah... be careful what you wish for...

"Sam... I'm heading out for some food..." Dean sighed. "Could you do some research?"

"No... Dean... let me go... fetch some food... please... you already drove for hours... I can... make myself useful." I begged. The medallion was painful in my palm. It was a unnecessary reminder for our broken relationship.

He nodded, picking up the laptop.

I went out to the Impala...

I needed to do something if I wanted to make up again.

.................

"What do you want Sam?" Dean asked emotionless when I dragged him outside, after I've brought the food inside.

"You'll see." I promised, leading him to the other side of the little porch.

"Sam..." Dean stopped and when I turned around I couldn't see the sheepish smile I've expected. There was just frustration and anger. "That is SO not helping."

"Dean... please... I have no clue what to do... I..." I shrugged, pointing at the fireworks helplessly. "I want to..." My voice broke.

"It's too little too late... don't you think?" Dean ran his hand through his hair. "Or it's too early... whatever... Sam... just let us try to keep fighting... That has to be our first priority... Damn it... don't look at me like that..." Dean shook his head. "Sam... This whole family thing sucks right now... and.... I'm just not willing to get hurt by you again. You know... I'm just..."

"Did Castiel answer your call?" I interrupted him, tears in my eyes. I didn't want to hear anything of this. He was done... I didn't need him to say it out loud.

He didn't answer, he just turned around, walking back to our room. Now... I've lost him for good. And for the first time in my life I realized how hopeless you feel when you loose the one person you love the most... because he doesn't want you in his life...

It was this feeling Dean had probably felt all his life.

I took a deep breath, before I turned around to follow him inside, leaving the fireworks outside and my hand fisted around the last glimpse of hope... the old medallion. I fished it out of my pocket, then looked at it, thinking about letting go. Thinking about letting it fall onto the concrete street.

I remembered the tender look on Dean's face when I gave the necklace to him. I remember his passionate look when he took it from the shapeshifter's neck, who looked like him. And I remembered the day he came back from hell... the thankful and loving look he gave me when I handed him the amulet back.

THOSE should have been my memories. My heaven...

Looking back at the item in my hand, I just couldn't let it fall. So I closed my eyes and pressed my hand, which was fisted around the item against my mouth for a second, before I shoved it back into my jeans. I felt a tear slip out of my eye.

I just couldn't give Dean up.

**End? Not End?**

**That's the question.**


	2. Sammy's smile

**OKAY... wow... I didn't expect that.... :-O :) But I'm happy though.... **

**Thanks so much for all these amazing reviews... and a big thank you to ****_Jessica_ and ****_Queen Bee_, who I couldn't answer... :)**

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**Sammy's smile**

**Dean's perspective**

Sam has always been a bad actor. I've always could tell whether he was asleep or just pretending to sleep. Right now... he was awake, laying under his covers, back turned towards me. I could see his silhouette in the dim light from outside. His right foot was visible and his bare toes were pressed against the waistband of his jeans, which was laying on the end of his bed.

I had to confess that I was touched by that action. He really seemed to see more in this necklace than a worthless piece of shit.

Of course I knew he had it.

The way his hand would wander to the pocket of his jeans all the time and his hand fisted in the said pocket were prove enough.

He reminded me of the little Sam... the Sam who worshipped me for lighting the night with fireworks. The little boy who told me that the thing I've done was 'great' and hugged me for doing it.

I missed this kid so much.

Really THAT kid?

The same kid that wanted to be away from me...?

The same kid that would rather spend a Thanksgiving with some friends than is older brother... I remembered that I had been talking to Caleb on phone that night for hours... I remembered how he told me about Jim who had tried to make their dinner perfect. I remembered how badly I wanted to be with them... just to have _somebody _around.

It was one of Sam's best memories.

The same kid that treasured the memory of a week which had probably been one of the worst in my life. God... I didn't remember why he had left... it had been some stupid fight between us... But I remembered the feeling in my gut when I realized that he was gone... I remembered trying to call dad... I remembered that dad wouldn't answer the phone and when he came home a few days later and I'd told him that I had lost Sam, he totally freaked out. He had yelled at me, telling me that I was a failure and that he couldn't trust me anymore... He had even forbidden me to drive the Impala for a few months... But the worst had been when he told me that it was my fault if anything had happened to Sam... I remember the look on his face when he towered over me shouting that Sam might be dead. And then I remember silence until we'd found Sam again. Of course he apologized for saying all this things... but I have never forgotten him saying them first place.

It was one of Sam's best memories.

The same kid that left for Stanford. I remembered waiting in front of my cell-phone, willing it to ring... I'd wanted Sam to call me... asking me to pick him up... I'd been so scared that something might happen to him.

It was one of Sam's best memories.

I gulped. My throat clenched painfully.

I turned around, not wanting to see Sam.

When I closed my eyes I saw the little boy who handed the necklace to me... The sweet kid that loved me more than anything.

Now I had a hard time believing that this boy... this Sammy ever existed.

I didn't doubt that he loved me... He still did... He wouldn't treasure that amulet if he didn't. I knew that I was important for him... He wouldn't have done that things he did, if I weren't...

But... it wasn't enough... It had never been enough. He had never granted his family the same worth I granted them... him. He always wanted a simple, normal life... for _him_. He wanted good friends, a wife, kids, a little house... for_ him_. That has been his first priority.

Mine was my family. Always had been... always would be...

I just never had thought that Sam had _always_ been like that... seeing his family more as a burden than a gift...

I couldn't understand that.

When we had met in the honeymoon suite about half a year ago he told me that I didn't know him...

And right now I guessed he was right.

His heaven had opened my eyes.

I didn't know this man...

He wasn't that kid who gave the medallion to me...

So why would I keep it?

And yet...

The way I hear him sniff on the bed beside me, choking sobs, like the small kid I used to care for... I used to love so fucking much... made me want to believe his words. The way he looked at me today, when I refused to join his fireworks, made me want to trust him again...

I wanted to believe that we would find a way _together._ I didn't even need to find a way to stop the Apocalypse as long we were united.

Not just a team...

But brothers.

I buried the thought immediately in the back of my head, knowing that this wouldn't be fulfilled.

We didn't really know how to be a team anymore...

Probably we'd never known it.

I had to let go...

I was so tired... being dead had already sucked before... but this time it had been the worst time. Of course hell had been terrible. But back there I had held onto the thought that there were still a little brother fighting for me... because he wanted me around... not because I was the burden... the duty he had...

This time I knew that this planet had nothing for me... NO god who cared... no brother who needed me...

I guessed that that was the nastiest realization for me... that nobody needed me...

Even my kid brother was better off without me...

I fisted my hands... listening to Sam's shuddered breathing.

It broke my already wrecked heart even more...

I didn't want to hurt him even more... I wanted to forgive... and I wanted to _**forget**_**,** but I couldn't forget the image of him, smiling at the stupid dog with a smile I hadn't seen in over two years now... I didn't even know that it still existed... and then he used it for a Golden Retriever... and not for me...

**To be continued.**


	3. Blood

**Thanks also to _Queen Bee, Elvan for the reviews. :)_**

**_You're guys are great. :)_**

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**Blood**

**Sam's perspective**

I woke up, hearing the door fall shut... Dean was leaving again... probably to fetch breakfast. He had left me alone on the porch and we hadn't talked since. I knew that I had no right to be mad at him... and I really wasn't... but.. I had expected him to at least smile at me for trying... I had expected him to talk to me... I hadn't expect a... "making-up" talk... but just _some_ talking... instead he had eaten the stuff I'd brought and had gone to bed in silence.

I'd had a hard time falling asleep and I knew that Dean had been awake for a long time, too. He had tossed and turned when he was finally asleep.

And when he had found some rest, my nightmares had begun... I had expected that... at least... my brother had died the day before...

I looked at his nightstand. He had taken his cell with him... so he was probably trying to call Cas... We both worried. Cas had lost faith.

"Hey..." I greeted Dean, who entered the motel room, interrupting my thoughts.

He nodded, setting some bottles and a big paper bag down on the table. "You didn't eat anything yesterday. Come on... I've brought some pancakes..." He didn't look at me, throwing his jacket on his bed.

I closed my eyes, sitting up. "Dean... please..." I didn't want him to act like nothing had happened... I didn't want him to just not care... I wanted him to shout at me... I wanted him to throw punches until I begged for mercy.

"No... Sam... stop it... I don't want to talk about us... I don't want to..." He raised his voice kicking his foot against something hard.

"Dean... I beg you... please..." Well... okay... he already had me begging.

"Sam... please... give me time..." I heard him approach. I didn't look up, when he sat down on the other bed, but I could see his knees. "You _have_ to understand that things have changed... I mean... hey... not even god wants to save our asses..."

"That's why we have to do it... that's why _we_ have to try..." I pleaded.

"Sam... no... damn it... just leave it alone would you?" Dean sounded desperate. "Do you know how much I want to forget what happened... in... your... heaven..."

I sucked in some air and fisted my hand around the pocket of my jeans which laid by my side.

"I'm..." My voice broke.

"I don't want to hear your apologies... they're..." We both stirred when Dean's cell ringed. I bit my lip, when he fetched it from his jacket. "Yeah?" He answered it, trying to sound as casual as possible.

"Hey... hey... calm down..." Dean looked startled.

A pause...

"Bobby... come on... man... your scaring me... what's up?" He sounded scared.

"What's up?" I asked, but Dean silenced me with a hand.

"Bobby... hold on for a second...." Dean's voice was calm. "He's okay... he is here... with me... you want to speak to him?"

And suddenly I was sitting on my bed, one hand around my jeans-pocket the other around the cell, pressing it against my ear.

"Bobby?" I asked, my voice still thick with emotions.

"God... Sam...." I heard Bobby gulp. "Oh thank god... How are you feeling, boy?"

"I'm..." _No... I wasn't fine..._ "I'm... healthy..." _Yeah... that was the truth..._

"Damn it..." Bobby cursed. "I... damn it..."

"Bobby..." I bit the inside of my cheek, not knowing what to say.

"I thought you are dead... kiddo... I got a call from a friend... and... he told me that you... were... killed by other hunters..." Bobby talked through gritted teeth. "God... I'm gonna kill him for scaring me like that."

"We've been..." I started to explain, but Dean took the cell again shaking his head.

"We're okay..." Dean ran a hand through his hair... "We just had a rough week."

I looked at my brother... He was pale and had dark bags under his eyes. He wasn't shaved and there was a dark red spot on the right leg of his jeans.

Blood....

Dean's blood.

I gulped and felt myself starting to tremble...

The hunters who had followed _me_ had killed _him_.

He had died because of me...

Again...

"Bobby... I need to... go..." Dean hung up before Bobby could answer. "Sam..." And suddenly he kneeled in front of me, one hand on my kneecap. "Sam... What's up?"

I looked him in his eyes, realizing that I wasn't breathing, tears running down my cheeks. Oh god...

"Sam..." Dean panicked. I could see it. And then his hands were at my chest, unbuttoning my shirt, checking my scars.

"I'm so sorry..." I whispered, raising my hands to cover my face.

"Sam... Are you feeling okay?" Dean looked worried, stopping examining my chest. "Tell me what's wrong..."

"Everything's wrong Dean... God doesn't give a crap, my brother doesn't want to be my brother anymore... he gave me up..." I looked up, straight into his eyes. "Dean... you threw the amulet away... damn it... don't you think I get that there is more behind it? You're giving up... you're giving us up..." I cried.

"Sam... stop, please." Dean looked awful.

"Dean... I don't... I don't sue you... my heaven is your hell..." I looked away again, looking at the jeans beside me. The medallion wasn't visible. "Well it might be my hell as well."

"What?" Dean asked, sitting down on the other bed, facing me.

"Dean...when I think about my very own hell I don't think about loosing Jess... or loosing dad... or loosing my normal life. I remember seeing you being torn apart by hellhounds. I remember the four months without you... I remember the look on your face when I left you alone in the honeymoon suite... I remember your facial expression when you... you... realized that the night I left for Stanford was one of my best memories..."

"Sam..." Dean's voice trembled, too. "Please..."

"Damn it..." I sobbed. "Do you know why I've been able to enjoy my first real Thanksgiving or the week in Flagstaff, or the night I've left for college? It was because I knew that you were somewhere, knowing that I had someone to turn to... Dean... I've always needed you... but you weren't something special for me... you were... just there... I took it for granted... I knew that you were there... for me..."

"Sammy..." Dean's voice was calm.

"I know it's too late to realize that, but I know now that I had luck to have you as my big brother. God... I have more luck than I deserve..." I ran a hand through my hair. "You have to believe me... Please..." I bit my lip... sometimes you see the real value of something then when it's gone...

"Sam..." Dean's voice was soft. "I can't tell you that I'm forgiving and forgetting... but I'm gonna try okay?"

I sobbed, letting my head fall back into my hands.

"Sammy... hey... hey..." He kneeled down in front of me, pulling my hands from my face so I had to look at him. "I'm gonna try... and I believe what you've said... we're gonna try... as _brothers_. Sammy... stop bawling, you big wuss... I'm telling you that team free will is back..." He tried to lighten the mood, slapping my cheek gently, leaving his hand cupped over it. "Hey... Sam..."

"You've died again... because of me..." I leaned into his touch. "There is still blood on your jeans."

"Oh damn it... you're a real princess..." He stood up and went to his duffle, smiling in my direction when I made a sound of protest about the lost connection. "I wonder how I've put up with you all the time... Your not even able to see a little blood."

"Yeah... I..." I shut up... I didn't know how to counter... I didn't even want to... too happy that he joked with me.

I watched the bathroom door after Dean had entered into it to change.

"Better?" He asked, throwing his dirty jeans to his duffle, coming over to me. I nodded.

When he was standing in front of me he looked somewhat expectant.

I titled my head, waiting for him to say something.

He frowned, moving his right hand in front of my face.

I raised my eyebrows. What did the man want?

"Sam..." He said annoyed, an eager look on his face. Then I got it, when he pointed at the pocket of my jeans. How could he know...

Well it was Dean... of course he knew.

I smiled and so did he.

"Thanks" He breathed, when he took the medallion back around his neck. "You know... thanks for the things you've said, too."

"You're welcome." I croaked, my eyes swimming.

"Now come on... you still need to eat something..." Dean suggested, and laid his hands on my shoulders for a moment, looking at me while he stood in front of me. It was funny that I had to look up. But it felt good, too. "And tonight we even might have fireworks, too?" He smiled even brighter, and tapped his one hand against my cheek gently once more, letting me lean into his hand, before he let go.

"Cas had answered my call, by the way..." He said, setting the table, while I buttoned my shirt again. "It's wired to hear him curse... but he told me that he he's going to help us, whatever we planned..."

"Good..." I followed him over to the table and honestly had a hard time resisting the urge to hug him, when his hand wandered to the necklace twice.

Each time he did so he smiled, the same smile he smiled when I handed the item back to him, after he came back from hell.

.....

**The End**

**Basically it's all about the will to love.**


	4. Miracles

**:D Okay... that's the really last chapter :D**

_**KKBELVIS**_ **asked me to write the fireworks... so I did :-o**

**Thanks to **_**Queen Bee **_**for her nice review :)**

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**Epilogue**

**Miracles**

It had been an awkward breakfast. Dean had been all nice and friendly and after such a long time of silence, mistrust and pain... it was hard to believe that he was willing to try... And again... it was all I needed.

Now I saw on my bed, doing some research... I didn't even know what to do... but I needed to show Dean that I was trying, too. I needed him to see that I wouldn't give up. Not on him, not on the world. Maybe... just maybe, his trust, his faith would be inflamed again.

"Wha..." Suddenly something interrupted my thoughts.

"Sam... you're okay?" Dean sat at the edge of my bed, snapping his fingers in front of my face. My eyes wandered immediately to the necklace that was good visible on his chest. It made me smile.

"Sam?" Dean repeated. "I'm talking to you... and I can't help but feeling ignored."

"Sorry... what did you say?" I asked, looking into his eyes.

"My last sentence was something like: 'Sam... I'm gonna trade the Impala for the next slice of pizza I see...' I knew that there was something wrong with you when you didn't answer to that... so... what's up?"

"You wanna trade the Impala and ask _me_ what's wrong?" I chuckled, the amulet catching my eyes again.

"Sam... my eyes are up here..." Dean laughed, pointing at his eyes. "I don't appreciate it when some pervert is looking at my boobs all the time... it makes me feel uncomfortable."

I actually felt my face reddening. He had realized that the necklace had my attention.

"Sammy..." Dean sighed. "Would you please stop doubting that I'm trying to make up with you... damn it... what's so surprising about it anyway... you're my brother..." Dean's one hand gripped his collar, the other the amulet.

"No... please..." I stopped him, gripping his hand, stopping him from hiding the necklace. He huffed, squeezing my hand briefly, before he batted it away.

"Okay... I still have no answer... you wanna go out, eating something? I'm starving..." Dean laid a hand over his stomach to support his words.

"Didn't you want to have fireworks?" I asked, following him with my eyes when he stood up.

"Yeah... we can take the fireworks with us... fetch some food... head out to a field?" Dean suggested.

"A picnic?" I asked, a smile tucking on my lips.

"Why not?" Dean looked sincere. "We have to eat something... well... I have to eat something..."

"Yeah... let's go..." I stopped in track, looking at Dean. "Don't you think we should call Cas... you know asking him whether he wants to see the fireworks, too?"

Dean immediately nodded, fetching his cell. "You're sure? You really want that?"

"He needs some distraction, too." We both knew that I rather wanted to be alone with Dean, enjoying the change... but we both knew that Cas needed someone to relay on, too.

He nodded understanding, dialling.

"Hey Cas" He greeted the angel. "You're up for some fun?"

"Nah... no hunt..." Dean answered. "Fireworks..." A smile. "Okay... then come here."

"Dean..." We both turned around to see Castiel stand on the other side of the room. "Why are you two want to have fireworks tonight?"

"It's cool..." Dean shrugged.

Cas opened his mouth to say something, but closed it again, when he looked at Dean's chest, then into Dean's eyes, then in mine.

I couldn't hold his gaze, when he began to smile.

"Nice to know that miracles still happen." He sounded more faithful then before now.

"Uhh... You two should marry..." Dean moaned. "Then you two could have as many girly chick flick moments as you want..."

"I don't think that marriage is a good idea..." Cas confessed... dead serious, looking at me apologizing.

Seeing the angel's face, Dean had to laugh. I began chuckling, too.

"What?" Cas asked dumbfounded.

"Nothing..." Dean shook his head. "Let go... chicks..."

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About two hours later we had finished dinner. We had enough time tonight, so we just laid there in the grass, watching the stars, sipping beers. Even Cas was drinking a beer.

The awkwardness was gone... completely... it felt so right to be here with my big brother and our... angelic friend.

"You used to love this..." I couldn't see Dean's face, but I heard the smile in his voice. "Sometimes when dad wasn't with us and the sky was clear we spent whole nights outside watching the stars..."

"I remember that..." I whispered. "Dad was with us once..."

"He has been the first asleep." Dean took another sip from his beer. "It was one of the best nights ever..."

I sat up, looking at Dean's face. I wanted him to know that it had been one of my best nights, too... but I was scared that he wouldn't believe me.

"Come on..." Dean stood. "It's fireworks-time..." He helped me and Cas up.

"Okay... Sam set the fireworks... Cas... get back... I don't want to have a fried angel on my side." Dean pushed him back a few steps.

I chuckled, setting the fireworks, like so many years before.

"Dean... I need fire..." I stretched my hand out for a lighter. Dean just looked at me, with an absent look on his face. "Dean? Fire?"

"Oh... sorry... I just..." He shook his head. "I'm just thinking about..."

"Dean?" I asked again, gently.

"Lollipops..." He laughed, rolling his eyes, throwing the lighter over to me. "Go on..."

I felt something warm in my guts, finally realizing that this really happened... Dean was really here... with me... And apocalypse or no apocalypse... we were on a good way back to being brothers again.

The first explosion came surprisingly, while I ran back to where Dean was standing. Cas stood still behind us, his mouth slightly open when he watched the fireworks.

Red, blue, yellow and green lights lightened the sky. The smell of smoke and fire filled our noses.

It was awesome.

"Wow... I haven't felt that alive in... well... since I went to hell..." Dean told me, smiling up into the lightened sky.

"Yeah... me neither..." I watched him, suddenly indifferent to the beautiful sight in front of us. "I missed you, Dean..." The words came... I didn't even know how... His head snapped to his side, looking at me with a startled expression. I looked down sheepishly. Of course it was the truth... but perhaps it was too early to say it out loud. "Well... I know that I wasn't really showing it... but I missed you... so much... I missed the way we were... I..." I tried to explain myself. _God... stop talking..._

"Idiot." Dean said softly, while he gripped my jacket and pulled me in into a hug, the necklace between our chests. "I missed you, too, Sammy."

I closed my eyes, trying to suppress those tears in my eyes, clinging at him.

Heaven could screw itself...

_That_ was way better then anybody's heaven.

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